Loving Landan

One of the first things I remember saying to Andy after we lost Landan was, “What a time of year for this to happen.”  At the time, I was thinking how we would always be surrounded by conversations regarding the loss of a son every anniversary of Landan’s passing and how it would quite possibly make it that much more difficult.

But as we worked through this Easter weekend, I felt the power of God’s sacrifice on a new level.  We lost our son, and it is painful.  Painful beyond anything I can really put into words. 

God sent us His son as a sacrifice.  To save our souls.  He rescued us by willingly sending his son into some of the most brutal moments of human history. 

I think about Landan’s last moments.  The last thing we wanted was for him to be scared.  To hurt.  To feel alone.  Landan passed in peace and that brings me comfort.  God witnessed the brutality of Jesus’ crucifixion.  He had to ability to stop it, to save His son.  But He didn’t – for the love of us.

I would have done anything to save my son.  I can not even begin to fathom the love it must take for God to have made the choices that He made.  It humbles me. Andy once said that if Landan’s story brought just one person to Jesus, it was all worth it.  I remember thinking, in my human, broken state of grief, uhhh I think I’d still choose my son. 

Jesus pled for God to change His mind.  But He loved us enough.  He loved me enough.  He loved you enough.  He loved every single person, regardless of return of that love, enough to see His ultimate plan through so we could all have a shot at glory. 

This year, that struck home on a new level.  I lost my son, but God gifted us with His.  And I hope to never take that for granted again.